Skip to main content

Natural Awakenings Charlotte

The Art of Flirting - Hit Me with Your Best Shot

Jan 29, 2010 08:12PM
By Lisa Moore

From cave men to Cassanova and Mae West to Lady Gaga flirting has been used for centuries to capture someone’s attention. Flirting is an honest expression of interest in another person by conveying one’s intentions while reading the signals of the other person. The successful combination of these two things relies on self-confidence and creativity.

While some people are blessed with the ability to easily flirt with almost no thought to possible outcomes, others struggle with this ancient aspect of human interaction. The underlying meaning of a flirtation can simply be innocent fun. Some admiration and light-hearted conversation can raise self-esteem, brighten your day and strengthen social bonds. Flirting can also be for sexual interest, with palpable chemistry and racing heartbeats abound.

A seasoned flirt knows what is appropriate for every social situation and never crosses the line of impropriety. Not only for singles, flirting is essential to keep the sparks flying in long term relationships and makes things spicy. The art of flirting can bring out qualities that are unique about you so others can be drawn to them. Thus, flirting begins from the inside. Recognize the qualities you like about yourself and use them as a foundation to attract the attention you desire.

Flirting involves various subtleties, all with their own distinct purpose in the master gameplan. Nonverbal communication accounts for 80% of all communication, so learning to read and act on body language is an essential part of flirting. The fun begins when we become conscious of the cues being sent to us.

Because the eyes are windows to the soul, a glance that lingers for a moment revs up that flirtatious dance we long to be a part of. After initial eye contact, briefly look away then reconnect with a smile and a raised eyebrow or tilt of the head. Subtle looks with knowing smiles can perk someone's attention and convey if they share your interest.

In addition to eye contact, flirting engages other types of body language. An interested person will stand with their body facing you directly. If they can't face you directly, they will angle their body in the best they can. Upright and open palms mean someone is open to you.

Preening- subconscious things many people don't realize they are doing – can occur. Women may play with their hair, toss it over their shoulder or swirl it around their finger. Men often stand straighter, play with their buttons or ties or wipe away imaginary lint. This is an attempt to look their best. Another sign of interest is mirroring. The other person may mimic your gestures or movements. Imitation is a sincere form of flattery and a sign that you are on the right track.

Be playful and jovial to engage the other person. Laugh, offer compliments and use your companion’s name often in conversation. Then look for signals from the other person such as pupil dilation, blushing, moving closer or shared focus if you want to progress to the next level of flirting – touching.

Inappropriate use of touching could ruin your chances forever, so proceed cautiously. Women are more uncomfortable about being touched by an opposite-sex stranger than men, so men should avoid touches that may seem over-familiar or threatening. Men, however, are inclined to interpret friendly gestures as sexual invitations, so women should be careful about giving misleading signals.

Touching should be restricted to acceptable areas. A light, brief touch on the arm or back may express support, draw attention or emphasize a point and is likely to enhance one’s positive feelings towards you.

Your approach to ending a flirtatious conversation is very important as it will determine your future with this person. Many encounters are for no serious intentions, perhaps just an acknowledgement of mutual attraction. For those who want to pursue something more, the most effective strategy is honesty. Ask if you could meet again sometime. "I've enjoyed talking with you and would enjoy seeing you again.”

So polish up on your flirting skills and start practicing. If you ask someone you’re attracted to where they’ve been all your life, you can be sure they won't be in your life very long. Go within, be creative and let your best qualities shine.

Upcoming Events Near You
Current Issue


Global Brief
Health Brief
Join Our Email List

Receive Digital Magazine and Special Offers

* indicates required
Email Format

Receive Digital Magazine, Special Offers and Advertising Information

* indicates required
Email Format