I really resonated with this month’s From Negativity to Self-Compassion: A Conversation With Shauna Shapiro, especially her insights into how easily we can slip into negative self-talk without even realizing it. Lately, I’ve become more aware of how quickly I blame myself when problems arise.

Just recently, after picking up my car from the mechanic, I experienced yet another issue. Almost immediately, my thoughts spiraled: This is what I get for buying an older vehicle. I should have been more vigilant in making sure everything was fixed (as if I even know what to look for). At one point, the inner dialogue landed on somehow I deserve this—despite the fact that I’ve owned older cars for years that served me just fine. Suddenly, it felt like it had all “caught up” with me.

I noticed a similar pattern when a relative said something I perceived as unkind. In trying to make sense of it, I automatically turned the blame inward, when it’s entirely possible they were simply having a bad day.

As Maya Angelou wisely said, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” That’s why I so appreciate Shauna Shapiro’s practice of beginning each morning by saying, “Good morning, I love you.” I’m not sure those words fully resonate with me yet, but I’m giving them a chance—trusting that by practicing them, I will gradually arrive at words that do.

Ultimately, I think we would all benefit from more self-compassion, and I suspect that as we extend more kindness toward ourselves, we naturally become more compassionate toward others as well.

Wishing you loving-kindness toward yourself and others this February,

Shannon