10 Guidelines for Enlightment
Dec 02, 2010 12:27AM
1 Be a FUNdamentalist—make sure the Fun always comes before the Mental. Realize that life is a situation comedy that will never be canceled.Â A laugh track has been provided, and the reason we are put in the material world is to get more material. Have a good “laughsitive” twice a day to ensure regularhilarity.
2 Remember, each of us has been given a special gift just for entering, so you are already a winner!
3 The most powerful tool on the planet today is Tell-a-Vision, in which I tell a vision to you and you tell a vision to me. That way, if we don’t like the programming we’re getting, we can change the channel.
4 Life is like photography—you use the negative to develop. No matter what adversity you face, be reassured: The Universe has us surrounded. Might as well surrender.
5 It’s true that as we go through life thinking heavy thoughts, thought particles tend to get caught between the ears and cause a condition called “truth decay.” So use mental floss twice a day, and when you’re tempted to practice “tantrum yoga,” remember what we teach in the Swami’s Absurdiveness Training Class: Don’t get even, get odd.
6 If we want world peace, we must let go of our attachments and truly live like nomads. That’s where I no mad at you and you no mad at me. That way, there’ll surely be nomadness on the planet. Peace begins with each of us. A little peace here, a little peace there, and pretty soon all the peaces will fit together to make one big peace everywhere.
7 I know great Earth changes have been predicted for the future, so if you’re looking to avoid earthquakes, my advice is simple: When you find a fault, don’t dwell on it.
8 There’s no need to change the world—all we have to do is toilet train the world and we’ll never have to change it again.
9 If you’re looking for the key to the Universe, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The bad news: There is no key to the Universe. The good news: It was never locked.
10 Finally, everything I’ve told you is channeled. That way, if you don’t like it, it’s not my fault. But remember… Enlightenment is not a bureaucracy, so you don’t have to go through channels.
Swami Beyondananda is the alter ego of writer and humorist Steve Bhaerman. Find him online at WakeUpLaughing.com.